Without the rain there would be no rainbow

It’s been 10 months since my molar pregnancy,  my numbers went down as they should, and I was still on monthly blood checks.  When December rolled around we knew the doctor was going to tell us we were in the clear.  We could start trying for a baby, if we’d like.

But, we jumped the gun a little bit and on December 11th I had a positive home pregnancy test.  We were beyond excited and slightly cautious.  The doctor kept a very close eye on me with blood work and ultrasounds.  Everything was progressing as it should.  At 7 weeks I had a ultrasound and we heard the beautiful heartbeat, at 164 beats per minute.

I was feeling the normal morning sickness, queasiness and tiredness.  DT was for sure it was a baby girl.  The boys we so excited to be big brothers, though, they insisted it was both a boy and girl twins.

Well, this Wednesday I had another ultrasound at almost 10 weeks, to discover no heartbeat.  The baby had died somewhere between 8 1/2- 9 weeks.

It’s so difficult not to be completely devastated by this, but I am trying to focus on the blessings I do have.  The most important blessings, two wonderfully healthy, loving, and beautiful boys, and a strong, happy, and loving marriage.

It’s really hard to write this, because though it is much different than the molar pregnancy, I feel like, here I am again, writing about this loss……

I was so hoping today to share the exciting news of a new baby in our lives with numerous ultrasound pictures and gushing about how happy we are to be expecting our new bundle in August.

I found this wonderful quote the other day.

“And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain there would be no rainbow.” ~G. K. Chesterton

I don’t know if this is where the term rainbow baby came from, but it brings me comfort to know that maybe one day we will get our rainbow.

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers during this trying time for us.  I miss you all and hope to be back soon.

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39 Responses

  1. Jenna – I will be thinking of you and your family and praying for you. I’m so sorry for your loss. {HUG!}

  2. Oh Jenna.

    You just go ahead and be devastated for a little bit. It’s sad – no getting around that.

    I had a friend who lost one about that stage and she planted a pink rosebush in her yard in memory. Might be a healing thing . . .

  3. Oh, Jenna! My heart is breaking! I can’t even imagine. You don’t know how many stories I’ve heard just like this recently. You are not alone! But I know this is NOT what you want. Lord, please protect Jenna’s body right now and give her peace in this storm.

  5. ;(((( I am so so sorry. My mom had 4 miscarriages and only 3 children. (One set of twins.) It will be a tough tough time….but you are a great mama and God will bless you with another. Your rainbow will come! 😉

  6. Jenna,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what that is like.

    I recently saw someone share this quote with a family member who is going through the same type of situation.

    “An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth.
    Then whispered as she closed the book “too beautiful for earth”.

    <3 Carrie

  7. I am truly so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you right now. I am sending many warm thoughts and prayers your way during this difficult time.

  8. Oh Jenna, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I will definitely be praying for you and your family during this time and the days to come! Oh may God grant you a peace and calm while you are in the midst of a storm!

    Willa

  12. Jenna~
    I am so sorry for your loss, while I’ve never experienced this, my mother has 2x, once before me and the other when I was in first grade. I remember the feelings of loss and I remember watching her struggle to find her rainbow. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers knowing one day God will bless your family again.

  13. Jenna, I am so completely heartbroken and sorry for you’re loss. I’ve been where you are 4 times in my life and know it never gets easier to loose a child. You’re family are in our thoughts and prayers, and don’t worry about taking a step back for awhile, we will all be here praying and waiting for you. If you ever need to talk or cry I hope you’ll email me, and know someone out there understands your heartache.
    Love,
    Kim

  15. Oh Jenna, I’m so sorry to hear about this. Feel comfort that God is with you through this tough time. Hang in there, your rainbow will come.

  16. Jenna, I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t have the perfect words, or any answers. I can only tell you, you are being thought about and prayed for. Don’t lose faith…I promise he is there.

  18. So sorry to hear about your loss. And it is a difficult thing to have to endure, but just know that God has your hand guiding you & your family. Allow yourself to mourn and take care of yourself. Praying for peace & comfort and better days ahead.

  20. Oh Sweetheart!
    My heart is so sad for you and your family!
    I’m sorry this had to come to you, but I am praying for the healing of your hearts, and that God will show you the rainbow.

  22. Oh no, Jenna. I’m so so so sorry for your loss. I have been where you are 3 times and I know how devastating it is.

    I will most definitely keep you all in my prayers.

  25. I am so sorry to read this. I read a scripture the other day and loved it immediately. Psalm 147:3 “He is healing the brokened-hearted ones, and binding up their painful spots.” Its such a sweet scripture. Sending you many hugs for the days and weeks to come. {{{hugs}}}.

  26. I’m so sorry. I have had two miscarriages and know how devastating it can be. Give yourself time and it’s okay to be hurt and angry. It’s part of being alive. Also hormones can be a real booger at this time. Sending giant hugs.

  27. oh honey…..God bless you!!! I don’t know you but feel as tho I do from reading your blog….my heart is breaking for you. I will be praying for your family thru this difficult time. Big hugs!!

  28. I’m so sorry Jenna, I have no great words of wisdom. We will be praying for you and your family. Will look forward to seeing you and your cute boys at Kim’s sometime. Take care, and God bless

  30. Hi Jenna,

    I sent you an email then I came over to your blog to help me with my blog post and I read this entry. I am so terribly sorry. Please know that you are in my prayers and I truly pray God’s hands are on you know, comforting you and walking you through this difficult time. Words are never enough but I want you to know you are thought about.

  35. Jenna,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am asking God to wrap His loving arms around you and hold you and your family up. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
    Miz Helen

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  37. I am so sorry. This post brought tears to my eyes as I have been there twice before. May the Lord comfort you during this difficult time.

  38. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Consider yourselves prayed for by us. I can relate, six times. But in the same breath God has blessed us with five healthy children. My sister gave me this little wall hanging after I had lossed one of our babies it says, “When God closes a door, He opens a window.” I just loved that quote and it was comforting to me. We have planted beautiful trees in our yard for each child we lossed as a visual reminder. We will be praying, Jenna. 🙂 Blessings to you and your family. <3

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