Continued from Post Molar Pregnancy
..I struggle as I try to figure out the lesson behind this all. What am I supposed to learn from this? Why did God test me like this?
During Pop-po’s funeral services, I was utterly astounded by the love and support from so many that loved my dear Pop-po and us. The masses of people and familiar faces, almost seem a blur to me now. Granny with her sweet and solemn face, as she consoled those around her, not shedding a single tear.
But what I cherished most was spending lots and lots of time with my family, loving, hugging, crying, sharing stories, looking through pictures and eating. The food, oh the food. Is it bad to love funeral food that much? Let me just tell you the people in our community know how to send some delicious food. It could be that because of my hormones (HCG) from my pregnancy were decreasing that I was actually able to enjoy food again and lots of it.
Why don’t we do more of that when there’s not sadness, but joy? Sometimes I wonder if Pop-po’s death was to bring our family back together, to show us how we should live with dignity, love, and laughter. Just like Pop-po. That I can understand. That I can wrap my brain around.
But this molar pregnancy, I just don’t get. My mom says I am so healthy that even a unhealthy pregnancy survived in me. I think that might be her nice way of saying I am a healthy plump girl. Either way, it does kind of make me feel better. I am still searching for God’s lesson. And truthfully some days I don’t think about it.
But it’s hard not to think about it when just about everyone I know is either pregnant, trying, about to, or just had a baby. While I sit in limbo, just waiting for my numbers to be zero. They are really close and once they hit zero for 6 months straight I am in the clear. The clear to try again, or not. The thought has crossed my mind that maybe I am done, maybe 2 is enough for me.
I guess only time will tell, and it’s all about healing. These next 6 months I am really going to focus on MY health, getting healthy, exercising more, eating less, and feeling good about myself and feeling good in my skin.
How did you heal from a loss, pregnancy complications or just a sadness in your life? Please share your stories with me.
This post is listed @ The Gypsy Mama